18 Whys to My ILoveYous

Today marks a new milestone in our relationship. Throughout the years we’ve been together, I get to know and love him more each day. Never thought it was actually possible to fall more in love with the same person every day until I fell in love with him.

As the years go by, I realized (some of )the whys to my iloveyous.

1.          He can cook.

Seriously? Who doesn’t love a guy who can cook? He can cook the best pastas that range from white to red. Just give him the recipe and he does his magic in the kitchen.

2.        He’s an awesome food buddy.

A great cook comes with great food. Who else does he have to share the food with? Me! He’s always game with my food ideas and he even makes it better. We both find it fun to appreciate good food together. (thus, weight gain)

3.       He can sing and play the guitar.

When he does, I can’t help but appreciate the music. Sometimes it even makes me sing along. Our jamming sessions are always fun despite the fact that I don’t hit the notes right.

4.        He’s supportive

Whenever I feel like giving up on my Masters, he pushes me and supports me to pursue it. Whenever I feel lazy to work out, he pushes me to do so. He constantly pushes me to become a better person and he’s always there to back me up whenever I fail.

5.       He’s a patient potato

I know for a fact that I’m not an easy person to get along with, most especially during that time of the month. However, instead of being angry together with me, he hands me some chocolates or puppies to calm me down.

6.       Always mature with things

Sometimes, I get my emotions get the best of me and do things irrationally. Before I get agitated or angry, he reminds me to do the right thing and think of happy thoughts instead (ex. chocolates. thus, weight gain).

7.       Persevering

We both have goals in life as individuals and as a couple. Sometimes, I get too lazy to persevere with what I want but he always perseveres with his goal. His perseverance inspires me too.

8.       Effortlessly funny

He’s just plain funny. He’s not even making jokes about things but I find him funny. Sometimes, when we have a misunderstanding, we just angrily stare at each other then, laugh the next minute.

9.       Understanding

Him being understanding is too simple. To explain it is too complicated. He’s just plain understanding.

10.     Selfless

This doesn’t only involve me, but the people around him. Although not all people observe it, he always thinks of others first before himself. It gives him happiness to help others.

11.        He can create something out of nothing (figuratively speaking)

Give him random materials and he can make it into something useful. Whenever something is broken, he improvises things to fix it and even make it better.

12.      He always makes and finds time

Whenever both of us are really busy that spending time together seems impossible, he always finds and makes time for us. Whether doing errands together or see each other for a short time, he just does.

13.      Never made me feel less important

He spends time with his friends and family and have fun too. However despite all that, he never made me feel less important.

14.      Brutally honest when I need it

 “How do you like my outfit today?”

“It makes you look fat.”

15.      Protective when I’m hurt

When someone or something hurts me, he takes care of me or makes me feel better.(ex. food. thus, weight gain).

16.      Natural with kids

As a preschool teacher, I find guys who are natural with kids amazing. He can deal with kids and befriend even the most timid kid ones. (Maybe that’s the reason he knows how to deal with me easily. O.o)

17.      Loves me for who I am

I can be really mean, moody and difficult. I can be greedy when it comes to chocolates and cakes. I’m fat too. But despite that, he loves me for what I am and who I am.

18.      He’s my freakin best friend.

Whenever I accomplish something, he’s always there to celebrate with me. Whenever I had a bad day, he’s always there to turn the day around. Through the good days and bad, he’s there.

Whenever he accomplishes something, I feel accomplished too. Whenever he feels sad, I feel sad too. He’s an extension of me. He’s my freakin best friend.

Well--— how do I say this the simpler way?
I loved you, I love you and will still be loving you the way as you are-- not only with the things I stated above---but also with all the things that make you, good and bad.
Always know I'm here for you and I'll always be happy to be with you. 

Happy Anniversary, love! <3

Things I Learned from Nursery

So, it's time for my end-of-the-something blog post again. This time, I feel unusually inspired to write about my nursery family. 

Since I haven't been actively reading nor writing for quite awhile (except for scholarly works), bear with my writing style and what-have-yous. But sincerely, I shouldn't be saying that outloud, right? (or type that in this case) xD

Bah. Enough of that.

Never in my life have I expected to be a teacher, let alone be a pre-school teacher, who happens to handle very young children. However, life's funny. The universe has its way of turning your life around, misleading to your dreams and leading you to things that you never imagine to transpire. In my case, it's me being a preschool teacher.

My Nursery family had taught me a lot of things. Therefore, to keep this quite amusing (ha, I'm praising myself too much. XD), I will enumerate them.

1. Be Generous

 Give, and not count the cost. Give because it feels good. Give because giving is sharing and sharing is love. I have learned that there is an unexplained joy sharing even the little you have (even that means my favorite chocolate sundaes on hot, afternoon lunch get-togethers).

This, however, does not limit only to hot, afternoon lunch get-togethers, it extends throughout the people around me. As they say, "Share your blessings". Blessings naturally come, when you share it. I used to be scared to share, fearing there will come a day when I will have nothing for myself. 

If you have more, share it. Blessings come. God provides. Not necessarily the things I ask, but the things I need. :D

2. Be Patient

In life, it is inevitable that you will meet different people with different attitudes, personalities, likes and dislikes. One can never truly find the happiness in dealing with people unless they learn to be patient in understanding them.

If we would only search for the shortcomings and the weaknesses of a person, we'd never truly find the beauty in that individual.

3. Be yourself

Wherever you will go, there will always be people who will never understand you. Sometimes, you'll even find people who are irritated by all the things you do. Sometimes, to avoid such negativity, a person limits and even 'filters' themselves to the people they go with. Eventually, they pretend to be another person.

But God is kind. He will help you find the people who will accept you, regardless of which. Just be yourself. You'll find truest friends when you do.

4. Smile 

Time and time again, I've been reminded not to take things way too seriously, to avoid being too sensitive, and to avoid worrying about things around me. 

It doesn't hurt to smile a little, does it? Think positive and the universe will conspire. Worrying has never been healthy. I'm grateful to be surrounded by very positive people who teaches and inspires me to think and act more positively with the negative things around me.

5.  Pray

When in distress, pray. When depressed, pray. When scared, pray. When in doubt, pray.

When happy, pray. When successful, pray. When all the things you've prayed for were answered, pray again. :)

Never doubt the power of sincere prayers.

6. Love

Love the things you hate. Love the people around you. Love your work. When you have love, everything is possible, because love ignites passion and passion sparks enthusiasm and enthusiasm is a catalyst for happiness. Therefore, love is happiness! :D

7. Eat fruits and gulay.

It has always been my struggle to eat healthily. For reasons unknown, my body seems to react whenever I eat foreign food (such as fruits and vegetables). I experience goosebumps, I choke on my food or I make weird facial expressions. You know, the usual reaction a child gets when forced to eat fruits and vegetables.

I am proud to say, my appetite for eating fruits and vegetables has (slightly) expanded! At least, it's a start! My nursery family never forced me to eat them, nor encouraged me, however they inspired me to eat healthily.

I know SOON, I'll be able to eat MORE healthy food. Thanks to my nursery family. :3

They say nothing in this world happens by chance. I never truly believed that until I met them. I had never been happier. :D

2013

So, this year 2013 is already on its final hour. I cannot help but feel lonely yet happy at the same time. I feel lonely because it feels like finally saying goodbye to a friend you’ll never see again. I feel happy because another year will come with so many things to be learned.  

I usually feel nostalgic every New Year’s Eve, but this one's quite different from the usual. I feel emotional (or maybe I’m hormonal). However, despite everything I feel, I am grateful this year. It may not be my best year, but I learned a lot. I think I can safely say I’ve grown (a little).

If there's one thing I learned this year, it's about learning to choose and keep friends. Two people who I called 'friends' have insulted, hurt and offended me. It hurts to know that the people who I considered friends were the ones who caused such pain. 

Then, I recall my mother saying, "A true friend never belittles you. No matter how close you are, they will never belittle nor humiliate you to other people."

Yeah, sure. Anyone can be your friend. People might even stay in your life for quite sometime. But despite the closeness and bond you have shared, although you share a great deal of comfort, they will never-- EVER-- humiliate you. They understand your shortcomings and your flaws. They can laugh about it, but they will never use it against you to insult and humiliate you.

So, yes. There are people worth keeping as much as there are people worth ditching. Get rid of people who hurt you, they take so much of your time you could've spend being happy.

Another thing I learned this year: you grow by welcoming changes.

If you are resistant to changes that constantly occur in your life, you will never appreciate the beauty and nature of life itself. Confining yourself to the things your accustomed to will never teach you new things nor will ever let you be aware of the growing and moving world around you.

Finally, I learned to let go.

At the start of the year, I always feel unhappy deep down myself. I spent years to find the cause of this undefined loneliness. However, during our silent 3-day retreat, it dawned on me the reason of my loneliness and sadness: I was too me.

Everything starts and ends with me. I never found happiness because I am never contented with myself nor am I patient with myself. When I realized that life is way better letting go, I tried to step up.

It wasn't easy. I had been enveloped by my own insecurities, fears and doubts. But well, if you just trust yourself and God, you'll eventually learn how to go with it.

Life isn't perfect. That makes it perfect. Crap happens, but it teaches you how to live. Getting hurt is the best and solid way to learn (at least for me).

Thanks 2013, for the bountiful (I claim it is!) and for a very meaningful year. I welcomed you openly regardless of the uncertainty you brought. Didn't expect anything, but you definitely taught me so much. For now, just like breaking up, it's time to let you go. 

Hello, 2014. What you got for me? :)

Satire

Time and time again, I have inconsistently pushed myself to write in this empty blog, but tonight... some significant happening inspired me to do so-- but in a negative way.

Before you read this blog, may I remind you that this post is made out of frustration, hurt and spite. From this part, you may move on and stop yourself from reading this.

First and foremost, I am not insensitive. You may find me laughing at your jokes, enjoying them even. Amazingly, I have high tolerance for insults, satire, nonsense and insensitive jokes. But tonight, what you did was just intolerably, insultingly, hurtfully, offensively ...bull. Though I have my slow moments, I can tell whether a joke was done for fun or for insult. You, however, had clearly done it for the latter. What you did was just way, way over the top. I have been trying to be patient with your nonsense for a long time, I even avoided you because of the insult you have done on me. How stupid of me to even try reaching out this time. Shame on me for allowing you to do it on me... TWICE. Again, I am not insensitive. I guess I was just being too optimist to consider you as one of my friends.
Tonight, I realized that considering you one makes me lose my self-respect and self-esteem. Having you as a 'friend' is like insulting myself. Why in the world do we have friends who mock us for who we are and insult us with our shortcomings? Bull.

Second, I am not dumb. I have my moments. I think way too differently than you do. Just because I have my own way of perceiving and comprehending things doesn't mean I don't understand. There are things that you are expert on, while there are things you're not. Just happens that most things that you know, I'm not good at. But again. That doesn't mean I'm dumb-- so don't treat me one. I'm pretty sure you know how that feels.

Lastly, yes. We are poor. My family is poor. We're not rich, we don't have luxuries and what-else you have-- but we have dignity. Just because we're here rock bottom, doesn't mean we're underachievers. Doesn't mean we have no manners nor breeding. Just because we're poor doesn't mean we're uneducated. Just because we're poor doesn't mean we're less of a person. Just because we're poor, doesn't mean you can treat us like that.

Shame on you.

One day, when the wheels of fate have turned, you'll realize that. 

My Daily 15 Minutes: Friends

During my retreat, I was encouraged to spend at least fifteen(15) minutes in silence to reflect more on my life, self and others. I have never put that to practice until today. I don't know if I will be able to sustain this daily habit, but this will be an attempt. :)

Today, I thought of my friends. Good friends, old friends. Some came, some left. It bothered me that most friends (who I just had few years ago) either backstabbed or turned their backs behind me. Only a few left. It made me wonder, Am I a bad person that the people who I considered my 'true friends' left me? Or have I expected too much of the definition of 'friendship' and 'trust'? or maybe I'm just not used to people talking behind my back?

I know for a fact that sometimes I have the tendency to get preeeeetty annoying but for sure, (and sadly) it wasn't intentional. I may act differently, but I never had mean or bad intentions for anyone. I guess I'm just always misunderstood by the dynamic and random facial expressions I have. And my voice? Uh. I'm sensitive to noise, but I'm not sensitive to my voice. (Seriously.)

I guess it's because sometimes in our life, we get hurt. That's reality. It's just a shame that I trusted those people. Misplaced trust, I'd coin it. Then eventually, I realized --that generally-- in my life, I have placed my trust in the very wrong people and when that hits me, it just. hurts.

I remember an old, good friend who said, that it's better to leave a little percent of that trust to yourself to keep people from betraying you. (Well, I cannot give a precise connotation of that, but that's the point) Prevent people from getting too close.Before I was disagreeing with it because I figured it's too selfish. Today, however, I reflected that maybe no. It wasn't. It's right to keep a little to yourself.. for self-defense at least.

And no. I don't think anyone's generally bad or mean. No one is. Perhaps just misunderstood.

I guess I need to reflect more to determine who among those people deserve my preserved 10% trust.

This blogpost is too serious mehn. :s

here's a random pic:

One of the pictures that I look really annoying. Yes, I'm continuing my self hating for this post. xD

The End of My First Year

So here I am, forcing (force is such a powerful word) myself to write something decent since it's been the longest time since I actually wrote something.

Well to tell you honestly, I've been contemplating for quite awhile now.

You know the feeling that while you're on your way to the computer or laptop, you're so eager to write so many things and ideas from your mind but when you try to type it-- it just goes out like crap?? Like this one?

Oh dear. Lemme start over again.

So the school year just ended (two months ago. I'm so outdated with my blogging skills.) and I amazingly passed-slash-survived my first year, man! Oh you have no idea how happy I was knowing I passed (if you look at my rantings about my days in school from my previous posts you'll feel me.)

My first year was the most memorable one because 1. I have no other experiences but this year and 2. the first will always be memorable.

My first year also gave me the first bite of reality to my life (oh wait. prior to that, I've had bad experience from my previous working place so I guess no. That's wrong). I've seen the real world that my parents have really sheltered me from and at first, it sucked. But I guess, I kinda learned how to deal with it.

My class was most of the time, chaotic (classroom management ain't easy in my first year 'ya know), but in the 4 out of 10 times, they are manageable and sweet little kids. Though you can't really avoid seeing a kid playing the deviant one.They make the class interesting and hyped up (in a good and bad sense). But well, I definitely learned from this kids.

It's kinda bittersweet. I'm happy that I can finally start the school year with my students-- but I'm sad because I'm really-- sincerely going to miss them.

I wish I could post more pictures of my kids but I doubt that's a good idea.

. 

This new school year will be new and I'm definitely, surely, positively going to be heaps better.

I'm excited with the seminars we'll be attending (and the snacks that come along with that too), the numbers of training will be provided with (again with the snacks) and the skills and knowledge I'll be learning from it.

Though for sure I know I won't be excited with my weight by the start of the school year, I'm also excited because aside from being busy and learning new things by summer, I'm enrolling myself for my Master's Degree meeehn! I'm so ecstatic to be a student again. I'm not sure if I'm biting more than I can chew, but I think and I hope I can manage. They said the second year being on Probationary status is the most crucial year.

I hope by the end of the this school year, I can proudly say I passed my first year in Masters aaaand my second year! Oh dear. I sound such an optimistic kid. Never knew I could be that again.

I'm between being an obsessive compulsive young adult in determining my goals at a certain time of my life by listing them all down-- but I'm wondering if I should just go with the flow to avoid frustrations. I dunno. I'll get there . I'll achieve my goals and I'm sure of it.

Just even thinking of it makes me foresee myself wearing that red toga for the master's degree. (Though I sincerely hope I can skip the thesis writing part.)

But for now, I'd like to stick on this memory:

Waiting. Taken during my college graduation when they gave that award I've worked hard to achieve. *Yay!* 

How do I feel, really?

Time and time again I told myself to start writing before the year 2012 ended but unfortunately, I never really did. Now it's already March and I wasn't able to achieve my usual tradition of encapsulating the year before the clock ticks to midnight.

To make it short, 2012 was my year. God is good to me that year. I was able to achieve my goals for myself academically, emotionally, financially and physically (yes, I was able to hit my goal weight before the year ended. ;) )  and slowly, my dreams are becoming a reality.

Today, I am going to write about how I feel. I am very happy that I passed my first year in teaching. I know I am not perfect nor good, but I am learning. I can really see how much I have learned. It makes me happy. I have been happy for the longest duration of time since I graduated college. For that, I am really, really grateful for all the blessings He has given me.

However, at the back of my mind, some things have been bothering me.

Meeting different people from all walks of life has made me more aware of the diversity of personalities. It had also surprised me for I had always been more of a loner than a sociable person.

I keep on reminding myself, "Forgive yourself for the wrong things you have done and do better next time. Just always do your best. Learning never stops. The best way to learn is to have an open mind and to take all difficulties as a challenge."

My point is-- you can never satisfy everyone. Just be true to yourself.  It is pointless to try to make someone like you when they hate you at the first place. People will judge you according to the values they grew up with and to what they think is right and... unfortunately, we all have different values.

I keep on reminding myself, I am not perfect. 
I am not perfect, but I do my best to be the best I can be. I do pray that He will guide me to be a better friend, daughter, lover, teacher and a person.

I still have so many things in mind, but I guess some things are better left unsaid.

I DO hope all these emo stuff just comes from the time of the month or some random pessimism wave. XD